Thoughts on adoption...

I find the process of adoption frustrating. There are so many children who need loving homes, why are there so many obstacles for parents who want to provide a loving home for children?

Examples:
1) I found a "cheap" non profit open adoption company that starts their fees at $28,000 ( no, I did not misplace that comma) ha! $28,000?!? How could I afford to support after paying that amount?

2) Foster to adopt, you wait 1-2 years to get placed, then maybe have to give the child back.

3) International adoption...expensive, and unrealistic for us.  We would really like to help people in our own backyard.

Soooo, now I'm ready to get creative.  Go to the boarder and take one of the 50,000 children that our government doesn't know what do do with? Start a social media campaign?  Anyone have a good / creative idea? We are open to suggestion!

A little Easter inspiration

I don't talk much about religion, but I think about it often. Yesterday, I was inspired by something I read, and wanted to write my own version of  what I think God meant when he gave me MRKH.  So, here it is...

What do I think God meant when he gave me MRKH?

I think he meant for me to meet jason. I think he meant for us to become best friends, love each other like no one else can, have fun together, challenge each other, become stronger together and solve problems together. He wanted me to have a partner that I can cry to when I am having a bad day, and who is willing to do whatever it takes to make me happy. Even with the challenges of not being able to have a child the "traditional" way I still have a partner who I want to go through this with, because as much as MRKH sucks, I have someone who can somehow turn this situation into a good time.

Do I think God meant for me not to have children? No, I do not believe that is my destiny.  I think he wants me to take the road less traveled.  I believe he gave me MRKH to become more compassionate, develop inner courage, and use my humor to deal with difficult situations.  He wants me to enjoy the journey of life and not worry about the destination. He wants me to believe that this is not a bump in the road, but an opportunity to help children who I may have never thought of helping, and to share my story with others who might be dealing with something similar. He has given me opportunities. Like it or not, I believe I am a better person for this.

If I'm being honest, I think I'm special. I think God gave me MRKH to  make me realize how precious life can be.  He wanted me to stay humble, and appreciate the little things in life.  He is making me work for this, but when I finally have a child to hold it will be a feeling that only a few will understand. That baby, and everyone around me will know that we really wanted that child.

Of course I would not wish MRKH on anyone,  but I do believe it was given to me for a reason.  I am sure there are so many reasons that I haven't even figured out yet, but I am satisfied with my list of reasons so far.

I really need to do this more

I would like to blog more, but I struggle with how much to share about this process... Any thoughts?  When is it TMI? When do I keep these things private?

A Little Rant...

I try to keep a positive attitude about my condition, but sometimes it gets to me.  I never want this blog to be a “bitch fest” or have a “poor me” vibe, because that’s definitely not how I feel.  I know I have a great life and I also know I am not dying from MRKH, but sometimes I just want to scream. 

Lately I have been complaining to my husband about things that bother me (after all, isn’t that why you get married?), and he is wonderful.  He listens to me, gives me advice when I ask for it, and lends his shoulder for me to cry on.  He has also told me on a number of occasions that I should blog more because there are people out there at feel the same way as me, but like I mentioned before I never wanted this to be a place where I complain.

So here I go…I’m going to complain / vent for the next couple paragraph. 

I do not want to spend an ENTIRE party talking about leaky vagina's, breast feeding, formulas, fertility meds, trying to get pregnant, morning sickness, ultrasounds (which by the way, all look the same!)…You get the point.  I don’t want to sound like I don’t care about these things, because I do, however, I don’t not want to spend my Saturday evening in a group talking about these things.  I have absolutely nothing to contribute to these conversations and they sometimes make me sad ( I mean, I want a leaky vagina some day). I love having these conversations in one on one setting, with my friends, not at a party (ALL NIGHT LONG).  See the difference?

Baby showers…Please have alcohol.

I don’t really care to hear “you are so lucky that you don’t have your period”, “You will get to have a baby without going through the 9 months of pregnancy”, “At least your body wont change because of a baby”, “your boobs wont sag”…blah blah blah. I would rather be able to have a baby when I want, without having to spend tens of thousands of dollars and have my life and my family’s life looked at through a microscope.

The most challenging part of being in my 30’s has been dealing with MRKH.  I had always thought that it would get easier because things seem to get easier with time, but this does not follow that rule.  My friends are getting pregnant on purpose, and kids are everywhere.  I cant help but think constantly about how I cant give that to Jason right now.  I know he wants to be a dad, and he will be an amazing one when it happens. When life is ready for us to extend our family, it will be an amazing journey for us.

My 30’s have been pretty awesome. I have a great life, great family / friends, been on some amazing vacations.  I have a house I cherish, a pretty sweet husband, a dog and a cat who I love dearly and most importantly I am healthy and happy.  

Missing Uterus - Not So Rare

Here is an interesting article I found.  Good information on MRKH.

Finally, A Decision

Jason and I have spent the last 2 years or so exploring options and gather information.  Once I found out that I had working eggs and ovaries, and Jason had working “stuff”, we were pretty sure we were going to give the surrogacy thing a shot.   The problem is I am a little different from most women going through the surrogacy process.  Let me try to explain…

Apparently, a woman’s cycle is the center of the universe when it comes to this stuff… who knew!?!  The problem being, I don’t have a period so the only way they can tell when I am in the middle of my cycle is to do blood work every 3 days.   I can handle blood work, that’s the least of my problems.  The problems for me included:

1.     .  Driving 45 minutes 3 times a week to get my blood tested.
2.     My insurance not covering any of it ($275.00 per appointment).
3.      I began to have little faith in the clinic I was attending. 

I will explain a little more about number 3.  My frustration started when I went into this clinic and they asked me every time “when was the last time you had your period?”  Then I would have to explain the situation AGAIN.  Is it too much to ask to put a little note in your chart, and maybe take 2 seconds to read it before calling me back?  Then, when I was at my last appointment the nurse said something to me that made me question if we were making the right decision. She said “after we figure out when you are on your cycle, you will need to start taking hormones and then we will need to see if we can find your ovaries on the ultrasound, this processes could take a while.”   If you remember from a previous post, they could not find my ovaries on the ultrasound, only on the MRI.  So when I asked her what would happen if I go through all of this and they cannot locate them on the ultrasound, she said “then there is no way we can take your eggs out.”  As soon as she said that I basically stopped listening.  She mentioned something about still being able to use Jason’s “stuff” and use someone else’s eggs, but we had decided a long time ago that if the child wouldn't be both of ours we would look at other options.  We decided there is too much risk in this process.  The hormones would be really hard on my body and the process is VERY, VERY expensive!  Not to mention, if we did all of those things and it didn't work, we just wasted a year or maybe more.  The chances for us were not great.

So….We have decided to give adoption a shot. It will also be expensive, emotional, frustrating at times, and challenging, but I think we are up for it.  There are so many kids out there that need a loving home, and we just want to be able to provide that.  Jason is wonderful and constantly reminds me that we don’t need a biological child to make us parents.   And, although we are both amazing people, have you seen my legs? Or Jason’s patchy beard hair?  Why would we want to pass those genes down?!  J  Wish us luck! 

Last 2 months - With Pictures

A lot has happened in the last 2 months, and I have been horrible about blogging!  I will try to summarize.

• We had an amazing vacation! We drove from Boston to Georgia and then back up to Boston.  We spent a ton of time driving and creating memories, which is exactly what I was hoping for.  We saw so many cool things I cannot even begin talk about it because I won’t know where to stop!  Awesome time with family and friends! 
  
• I went to Arizona a few weeks ago with my friend Haley and we had a blast laying in the sun and doing girly things. 
  
• I FINALLY graduated from college!  I am officially a Central Washington University Alumnus! 
  
• We spent a weekend on the Oregon coast visiting our friends Natalie and Mike.  They are great hosts, and friends!
• My grandpa was really sick and in the hospital, but seems to be doing better now.  We are looking forward to celebrating his 88^th birthday this weekend.
• We spent some time working on our property in Randle with some of our great friends!  We brought a tractor out there and built a road to the river. It’s pretty awesome.
  
• We have been doing Boot Camp between 4-5 days a week for the last couple months; it kicks our butt, but it so good for us. 
• Jason is enrolled at Washington State University for Fall quarter. I am super excited for him.
• We bought a new truck.
  
• Jason’s Sperm analysis test came back, and everything was normal.
• Jason and I had our 3^rd wedding anniversary. Time flies when you are in love J  

I think that just about summarizes it all. I am sure I am missing a thing or two…