National Infertility Awareness Week

I am going to start this blog off the way I probably started off most of the papers I wrote in high school... Websters dictionary defines infertility as " not able to reproduce; not able to reproduce children" it goes on to say something about trying to conceive for more than a year (which jason and I have been :)  )  and something else about animals.

Anyway, the purpose of me telling you the definition is because it doesn't say anything about never being able to have children, it doesn't say anything about dying, catching a contagious disease or the end of the world. It simply states that one cannot have children the "traditional" way. So what? Why is this a big deal? Why does no one want to talk about it? It's nothing to be assahamed of (in fact 1 in 10 couples deal with infertility). There are lots of ways to have children, and only one of them is "traditional".

Maybe I'm more ok with it than most because I'm not much of a traditional person anyway. I wore converse on my wedding day, I had two dads walk me down the aisle, I fell in love with a guy who offered to buy me water, I learned to run before I walked, I prefer white sauce on my pizza, I  cheer for the 49ers while living in Seattle... My point is there are  a million ways to do something when you want to do it and one is not more right, or more embarrassing than the other.

Infertility does not mean I can't have a child some day, it just means I will do it differently than most. I may not have a uterus, but I have determination and a great support system and that's all I really need.

All Things Uterus

I just think it's interesting that you can find so much uterus swag. Here are a few of my favorites:

https://www.etsy.com/listing/214261996/ccec-cuterus-key-fob-fabric-keychain?ref=related-0

http://iheartguts.com/products/huge-uterus-plush  - I have this one

http://iheartguts.com/products/ova-achiever-plum-uterus-shirt

https://www.etsy.com/listing/189953811/custom-cuddly-uterus-throw-pillow?ref=related-4   - I want!

http://thecraftfrog.com/2012/11/

https://www.etsy.com/listing/214833848/yolanda-uterus-ob-gyn-gift-labor-and?ref=market

http://www.cafepress.ca/+super_uterus_cap,620536362

http://beadbaby.se/2014/12/11/uterus-necklace/

https://www.etsy.com/listing/11315349/uterus-earrings-in-sharkweek-red

Those are just a few of my favorites. I had no idea there was so much love for the uterus. Do you have favorite uterus swag?

Awesome Parents

I really don't know what I did in my previous life to deserve such awesome and supportive parents. 

 I feel extremely lucky that not only my parents, but Jason's as well, are the greatest.  We have  eight parent figures in our lives that seriously are amazing! Each one is individually unique, and they each have had a special impact on us.  So from now on, when I get asked "Jen, why are you so awesome?" I'm going to say "it's my parents fault". 

But seriously, someday when jason and I have kids, they will be so lucky to have these eight grandparents who will love them so much! Our kids will be the luckiest, just like us! 

P.S. A bit sappy, I know. I am just feeling grateful! 

Feeling happy and sad

I've known I am different for exactly half of my life now, but for most of that time I didn't feel that different. My life was pretty much the same as everyone else I grew up around. I played sports, had loving supportive parents, traveled, went to college, went to bars, enjoyed camping in the summer...you get the point. My whole life I have been surrounded my great friends who like to do the same things as me. And now, all of that seems like it's changing right before my eyes...

It's a weird feeling, being so happy and sad at the same time, it is difficult to explain. I think it's just that I no longer feel like I live a "normal" life. I am 32, married WITHOUT kids. I am the weird one now.  It's easy to deal with when a majority of your friends are childless, but now I have become one of the only ones without kids and am slowly realizing how different I really am and it can be difficult at times.

Deep down, I have always known this would happen. It's a natural part of life. It's strange for me because when I find out people are pregnant my initial reaction is very conflicted. Of course I am extremely happy, but I am also selfishly sad for me. It's a constant reminder that I am different.  Selfishly, when I hear the words " I'm pregnant" I think of all the things that could possibly change with our friendship. And although I know that it's a part of life, and change is inevitable, I know it's going to be hard. I cherish the memories of traveling, camping, bar hopping, and living a child free life with my friends. And although we may never do those things together again, I know we will create new memories and different experiences that I will treasure forever. 

Rokitansky

I am not much of a reader...in fact, I have read a total of 5 books my whole life. I don't necessarily have anything against books, but they sort of put me to sleep. 

I recently heard about a book called Rokitansky ( it's the "R" in MRKH).  I had to read it.  MRKH is not very well known, and the fact that someone wrote a book about it definitely intrigued me.  I knew when I bought it that it was a fiction book, which I was a bit skeptical about because IF I am going to read I like true stories.  But I bought it anyway...

For me, the book started out a little slow. I probably would have given up on it after the first 5 chapters, but I convinced myself to finish, and I am SO glad I did! Once I got about 1/4 way through the book, it was hard to put down. I could relate to several parts of the book, and the end of it had me in tears. Side note: I am not much of a cryer.  This book touched on so many of my feelings and made me think of things I hadn't thought of before. I don't want to give too much away because you should read it!! 

I have since talked my husband into reading it, which is he currently doing, and another friend of mine just finished it.  She loved it also, and does not have MRKH.  I think it's a good read.  Check it out! You can find it on amazon here. 

MRKH meeting

I've never been one to make MRKH a major focus of my life, but no matter how hard I try to imagine  that it's not a big deal, it is. I'm different. I've been different my whole life. I have felt like a freak, embarrassed,  ashamed, confused, I have questioned "why me", and I have felt alone. Even knowing that there are other woman out there like me, it didn't seem to matter.

Today that changed. For the first time I met 2 beautiful ladies that also have MRKH, and for the first time in my life, I felt like someone understands me.

We chatted about everything; family, sex, marriage, relationships, food, wine, jobs... What I appreciated most about our get together is that we are all in different places in our lives.  One is single and trying out the dating thing, one had been married for 20 years, and me...married for four years trying to figure the kid thing out.

I don't think you can truly understand how important it is to meet someone like you unless you are a little different. I'll be the first to admit I didn't see the importance in it, until today. It's a strange feeling...feeling like no one understands what you go through, and then all the sudden two people do.

Today was a day I will never forget. It made me feel normalish...it made me feel not alone...and it was awesome.

Enough sappy stuff! This post sucks! I don't think I laughed once writing it.

3 years blogging

Just realized it's been exactly 3 years today since I wrote my first blog post about MRKH. I don't do it as often as I would like, but it is pretty therapeutic. Thank you everyone for your love and support through this process.