Monday, January 5, 2015

Feeling happy and sad

I've known I am different for exactly half of my life now, but for most of that time I didn't feel that different. My life was pretty much the same as everyone else I grew up around. I played sports, had loving supportive parents, traveled, went to college, went to bars, enjoyed camping in the get the point. My whole life I have been surrounded my great friends who like to do the same things as me. And now, all of that seems like it's changing right before my eyes...

It's a weird feeling, being so happy and sad at the same time, it is difficult to explain. I think it's just that I no longer feel like I live a "normal" life. I am 32, married WITHOUT kids. I am the weird one now.  It's easy to deal with when a majority of your friends are childless, but now I have become one of the only ones without kids and am slowly realizing how different I really am and it can be difficult at times.

Deep down, I have always known this would happen. It's a natural part of life. It's strange for me because when I find out people are pregnant my initial reaction is very conflicted. Of course I am extremely happy, but I am also selfishly sad for me. It's a constant reminder that I am different.  Selfishly, when I hear the words " I'm pregnant" I think of all the things that could possibly change with our friendship. And although I know that it's a part of life, and change is inevitable, I know it's going to be hard. I cherish the memories of traveling, camping, bar hopping, and living a child free life with my friends. And although we may never do those things together again, I know we will create new memories and different experiences that I will treasure forever. 

No comments:

Post a Comment